Wednesday 11 November 2015

I hold my hands up!

First of all - I told you so.
I knew id end the day happy. And do you know what? Its so frikkin cool i can say that and know it will happen! lol
It don't even matter that that Black ops gets slated. Its all good, is good to have someone to play games with and talk about stuff you have loved for years and not get the weird looks or the puzzled expressions. No one gets a gamer like a gamer. Or a nerd for that matter.

Anyway, before i fire up SL, I'm dancing round my kitchen blasting the cheesiest pop songs you ever did hear - trust me on that! Bass up, volume up, mop in hand (makes a great pretend mic btw lol) and I'm singing along when suddenly it hits me - if anyone caught me listening to this crap it would be like the most epic walk of shame ever. Don't believe me? Hmm let me see...anyone remember OTown?...maybe a bit of N*Sync (cant knock those guys though - ever!) I do hold my hands up, my taste in music couldn't get more random. My eldest was digging through an old box of my stuff from school and he pulled out a Linkin Park c.d
Firstly he was like wtf is this disc thing lol i put it on for him and he looked at me like i was a nutter. Mum, you seriously listened to this? Like really?
Damn straight i did!

I love music, all sorts, i cant stick to one genre. Whats the point in that? But even i have to admit some of the stuff i know word for word is really bad. They make the songs so catchy though and then you know it for life. No point fighting it coz its there in your head. You ever been somewhere and heard a song and then your singing along word for word thinking where the fuck did that come from. Yea, that's me all over.


Tuesday 10 November 2015

Dot dot dot

......
Today has probably been one of the worst I've had in a long time and that hasn't been caused by someone i liked. Ever wish you could just switch off your RL sometimes and just run away? Irresponsible i know but surely everyone's felt like that every once in a while? No? Maybe.

I did spend a little bit of time online today, made a new pic, nothing fancy but i like how it turned out. Think its the hair colour that does it for me. May have to go get me some purple. I miss having my hair coloured :( I miss having long hair too. Anyway, i decided to take my ass to bed and hide from the world for a bit. Don't feel like dealing with most others in SL right now. And definitely can not be arsed to deal with people that seem to think its ok to ignore me until they need a bit of support or reassurance or a bit of company ect ect ect. I'm not a rent-a-friend. if i can be decent enough to acknowledge you when you need it have the same courtesy or get the fuck out of my life. I'm done with every kind of relationship being a one way street.
4 people, i can safely say i don't get that with. 4!?! That's like more than double the amount i could say not so long ago lol. I think I'm secretly fussy about who i open up to. But yea, 4 people that are always treating me like an equal. Its such a change from the usual crap! Seriously lol.

I know that by the time it gets late for me, i'll be feeling so much better. Late night chats and massive debates about the WWE always make me smile. Even if staying up til gone 4am to watch with a real close friend almost kills me. Things you do for some people huh lol. Still, i know he stays up late to talk to me too. Exactly what i mean by it not being a one way street.
Not really sure what the purpose of this post is to be honest, just felt like writing it. Have so much going round in my head I'm just going to get caught up in it if i stay thinking it over. So here i am.

Hate being a girl - sorry, correction - woman! apparently i should stop referring to myself as a girl lol its a habit. A hard 1 to kick. Anyway, i hate it sometimes, feel like a complete train wreck and then in a split second something will pop into my head and I'm smiling. Emotions are little fuckers. When you think you have them in check they splinter off into , um, i don't know but they don't stay in check!
I'm glad i don't have to put up with a woman. We can be so difficult at times. Of course we're worth it but yea, its hard work.

And on that note, I'm going to hunt down some ice cream, grab some tissues and give my pillow some head (whoever thought that up your a genius) might take out some frustration on some games. I don't know yet. Might log back in. Might even drown in a pool of tears and melted ice cream. Could always watch Pitch Perfect 2 again...that'd make me laugh........

oh and this is the colour i want to do my hair!



                                                   

Monday 9 November 2015

-Suck my Fuck- and walk away....

I have the most amazing people in my life right now - just putting that out there. I love them so much, always have the funniest thing to say or can read me like a book. Always got time too! Even when its 4am and theyve got to leave for work lol.
Its nice. Real nice. Cant tell you how boring and tedious it gets when you are making all the effort, doing all the running, constantly waiting for a reply. I saw something somewhere and i was like ooh that is bang on. It was - getting no message is also a message. How damn true is that?? Well, i can finally say i have some really good people around me.

So after a nightmare morning in RL, i log in and get an instant 'hi' message. Work mode kicks in - coz why would anyone be contacting me other than to ask about an event or for some help, right?. Anyway, i replied with hi **** can i help you with something. He asked for a tp, ok...so i ask a tp for where, thinking he might want the lm to men only district or something and he wrote back 'to your bed'. No sooner had he wrote that and im standing there butt nekkid outside my house 2000 something meters up in the air he fucking drops in. Like right next to me. So i hit 1 of the Lms i have in my favourites bar and pray its not AB or Kittycats seen as im not dressed and likely to find myself with a ban if i did go there! Luckily, i land at the sex spa - ironic huh. I ask why i would do that, making sure i got dressed (dont ask!). Because i asked if i could help with something was his reply. WTF?! Seriously lol.  Anyway, i went back home, told him in no uncertain terms to go fuck himself and get the hell off my land, whilst i added him to the ban list and guess what??I saw his ass get ejected....and he landed on the plot right beside mine. Dont know if he rents it or just stumbled across it but yea. That was morning!

And now, im having these doubts on if i should stay where i am...i mean its nice there but its smaller than i usually have but at the same time why should i have to uproot again. Theres just something off about the whole thing. I have a feeling i know the person, but as someone else. I dont know. Maybe im being paranoid. That tends to happen when alt accounts are used to, well yea, it happens. Havent really been home a lot anyway. Been otherwise occupied or helping out with some events that are running. Its funny, all the years ive worked events and ive only ever really looked at the dynamic between myself and designers as purely professional - which it still is! Lately my view has changed slightly, has kinda taken on a friendship role, if thats the right word!?
Automatically you would assume oh theyre looking for an easy lay, believe me ive said this so many times about so many people but thats not the case. I know that because they are partnered up and im not even slightly interested, plus 1 is a chick. I dont dig chicks like that. But its cool when you realise that people youve only ever known through work have a good view of you and take the time every now and then to talk outside of work. Thats where i got this post title from....I saw it in a profile and it really made me smile.
Girl : Oh i hate you, you need to grow up and change
Boy : Suck my Fuck -walks away-
Lol no idea why that made me smile so much.
Oh and BTW i am friends with more guys than girls - its just the way i am. I get on better with men. Does not mean im trying or planning to bed hop with them all.

Right about now, im going to go make some food, check i dont have no creepy peeps outside my house, clean up and then sit my ass down and maybe, just maybe, get around to making some new textures for some appliers, or for some mesh, havent decided yet.
I did decide my next tattoo will be the Avengers 'A' though! with maybe their weapons behind it. Irrelevant but it popped in my head!

Thursday 5 November 2015

5 O'clock in the morning

Ok, maybe not so much 5 o'clock - 21 minutes past 8 in the morning, think i managed about an hour and a half maybe 2 hours sleep last night. My head is fucked! My days of pulling all nighters are seriously long gone. I put the bleach in the fridge and the milk on the windowsill - getting the picture? I have a feeling I'm going to crash and burn at some point today, possibly be comatose til tomorrow morning.

I don't even know where to begin, the start would be a good idea but but everything is so blurred i lost the start lol. In the shortest space of time I've gone to both ends of the emotional scale and back again it doesn't seem real. Or that it should be even capable. You know that feeling, the complete high that makes you kinda want to hit the pause button and just have it over and over again and the right down to wanting the ground to open up and swallow you hole. Um, i mean whole. It would be a hole swallowing you but not the right hole i meant.

The tiny piece of rationality that i try my hardest to cling on to, and so often leaves me stranded, would probably have kept me from laying my cards on the table and leaving me completely stripped of, um, whats the word? I don't know , my heads not quite working yet. But, when i need rationality the most, guess what, it fucking does one and leaves me a mess. Understatement right there. So here's the bit I'm at a loss with, don't know how why or whatever other question you can throw at it.
After crying it out - as you do, for god knows how long, long enough to make my pillow soggy and my body to shut down and sleep, thinking about it, i don't feel as bad about it as i should? I trust whats been said. I don't feel like it's just a line being spun to keep options open. That's never happened before. I don't know how to process that. I'm ok with it because whats been said to me, i believe it and it is enough.

A long time I've been around in SL, no, not bike been around just been on the grid. Nothing is a comparison on right now. Does that make this crazy rollercoaster the real deal? I don't know. It doesn't really matter what the answer to that is. Something I've learned, but always seem to push to the back of my head until I'm reminded again is I'm not made to be with someone. Simple as that lol. I was designed to be a hopeless romantic as Missy put it.
Where is my girl when i need her - pretty sure she has a spare pair of slippers and a drink or two floating around! Wait, i know where she is, that damn thing called RL lol stole her for a while. Oh well, looks like I'll have to ride this one out on my own or blow up her skype.
Yo missaay! Bring the ice cream and bottles.

1 thing i do know, or I'm at least aware of, is that despite not getting my own way ( yes, i have a bratty side) i still haven't been in a happier place before. So its not really a loss, is it? Hmmm. Maybe, i don't know, but i don't want to give up something that is just so...

Wednesday 4 November 2015

Neglected Update

Wow, has been a few weeks since i last opened this up. Haven't even given it a second thought in all honesty - been kinda caught up with some stuff. All good :)

So, what's been going on since i last wrote? Umm, well, i hate to sound like a broken record *but* those pretty little rose tinted glasses I've carried around with me for so so long have officially been trashed, and like someone close to me said - I'm trusting my instincts.
I know now that thing that have had me so tied up in knots mean nothing. It's time for me to quit trying to be this perfect person, trying to please everyone and letting myself get hurt. I'm worth more than that - a couple of real special people have made me finally see that. 

It is so nice to not be constantly giving, to have something given back, to be on a level playing field, really. I cant even really describe it. It's put a whole new spin on things and made me realise just how selfish some people are! Give an inch - take a mile as the saying goes.
I guess I'm at a point where i feel content with what i have. Sure i may not have *the* ring on my finger and all that but what i do have is enough to make me happy. Really happy. Not like 'omg I'm so happy right now' but actually happy, deep down. I have truly amazing friends, new and old. Missy especially, she's always there. The people i have close to me mean everything to me and i don't question if its the same for them. I trust them.
Some more than others for reasons i wont go into! But at the end of it it'd believe them over anyone else every time.

Apart from a major reality check and some pretty sweet new experiences, i did Peatonville!! In 1 day, less really but yea, 1 day was all it took. Couldn't do it until a few days after opening - it was so packed and laggy i tp'd to the asylum and i was butt nekkid and bald. Don't get me wrong, i fitted in perfectly but, aint no way in hell I'm running round hunting ghosts naked so i left it until the crowd died down. Was a little disappointed at how quickly i got through it, i thought there might have been some kind of puzzles to solve like UNIA but it was still really fun. So much so, i reset my hud and started all over again. Mainly due to boredom. Got a nice little trophy too haha, that's all i really wanted. I now have something from each of the games set out in my home - in the games room! The exciting news is that MadPeas are collaborating with Firestorm, i think, to open a sim dedicated to past games and stuff like that. So cant wait for that if that happens. Will have to take someone with me though coz I'm sure there are some killer clowns included in those plans.

Oh and now Halloween is over, up goes the Christmas tree! Lol seriously, i have started decorating already. Oooh and my new home has a weather system too. I can make it rain or snow. Like I'm a mini god or something lol. On a bad note, i got totally screwed over by a gacha machine. Twice!! Seriously, how many people spend thousands between 2 damn machines just to try and win 1 piece from each??
Oh
Yea.
I did.
Needless to say i still didnt get what i wanted lol so i bought it from someone else. And all the extras went onto marketplace. :)

Also started my own stuff up again, decided to keep the LdN Girl name. Was so tempted to go back to Owned but I'm a London girl lol. I don't think I'll get a lot made up over the next week or so, Black Ops 3 comes out Friday. I'm praying so hard it's better than Ghost and Advanced Warfare. Please please please gaming gods, don't let it be a let down. The Beta was pretty shit. I don't have high hopes.
Miracle needed, over at the Treyarch office. Give me a reason to log into PSN. Please.

Sunday 18 October 2015

Cali Baby!

I found this neat little place last night, beautiful place to just sit and relax. And perfect for sitting by a fire and warming up. So I'm sitting by the fire, watching the waves roll in and i spot something that guarantees to make me giggle, something that when I'm inside I'm 100% fine but then get outside, into the breeze and bang - i feel like I've been doing neat shots lol.
Hello Malibu!
My favourite of all time. I was real young when i had my first taste, think that's why i feel immune to it until i get outside. Anyway, whilst i warmed up and kept watch over the bottles a passer by sat down by the fire too. We had a brief conversation about the area and apparently you can surf here! Makes sense. So today, I'm going to brave the waters and I'm going to introduce my face to the waves lol. I don't care though, i love the water. Love being around it, its so calming and has the ability to make you feel so many different emotions.
I will definitely be visiting again - to keep an eye on that bottle! lol and if i make friends with the surf board i may come back for that too.

Saturday 17 October 2015

Without even knowing?

Is it really true that the kind of music you listen to can give someone an insight into how you feel, or whats going on inside even if you yourself don't realize...you just think its good music?
I put this little theory to the test with a very very old friend of mine. Miss T! Where you been girl?? Lol Its great to see you back online, I'm still not into chicks though, hate to break it to you - again! :p

So, i gave my current playlist to Tianna, see if she could shed some light on whats going on in my own little world. I gave her

Sia - Chandelier
David Guetta ft Skylar Grey - Rise
R. City - Take you down
Charlie Puth ft Meghan Trainor - Marvin Gaye
R. City ft Chloe Angelides - Make up
Bad Meets Evil ft Bruno Mars - Lighters
Little Mix - Hair
Skylar Grey - Coming Home pt2
Zedd ft Hayley Williams - Stay the night
Charlie Puth - One call away
Lil Wayne ft Charlie Puth - Nothing but trouble
R. City ft Adam Levine - Locked away
Little Mix - Black Magic
Eminem ft Lil Wayne - No love

And from that she got absolutely nothing! Other than i am completely random when it comes to music lol. 3 hours later she left me a lovely i.m telling me that I'm over a dick, got it bad for someone, still fighting and 100% obsessed with sex.
How much of that is true? Ummmm next question lol
The little girl in Sia's video, Maddie Ziegler she is insane. To have that ability to dance like that at 11 years old and to have the amount of expression and feeling come through is unbelievable. You should see Sia's Big girls cry video. Shes amazingly talented.

Thursday 15 October 2015

Just the way you are

Oh his eyes, his eyes
Make the stars look like they're not shining
His hair, his hair
Falls perfectly without him trying
Hes so beautiful
And i love him in every way

I know, i know
When i complement him he wont believe me
And its so, its so
Sad to think he don't see what i see
And every time he asks me if I'm ok
I say

When i see your face
There's not a thing that i would change
Boy your amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile
The whole world stops and stares for a while
Boy your amazing
Just the way you are

His lips, his lips
I could kiss all day if he would let me
His laugh, his laugh
He hides but i think its so sexy
Hes so beautiful
I should tell him everyday

Oh you know, you know, you know
Id never ask you to change
If perfects what your searching for
Then just stay the same
Don't even bother asking if I'll stay
You know I'll say

When i see your face
There's not a thing that i would change
Boy your amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile
The whole world stops and stares for a while
Boy your amazing
Just the way you are

YES i know i changed some of the words lol, sometimes find myself singing along and this happens. Most memorable time i did that was in high school, had a talent show and me and my best friend did Britney Spears - Born to make you happy. Except we changed it to *me* happy lol. Went something like....
You don't know how to live without my love, you were born to make me happy...
Why am i remembering all this crazy stuff lol wtf!

Saturday 10 October 2015

MnM

Not the sweetie kind, the rapper kind. I know if it's been a bad day his music will make me feel better. Strange huh, someone that constantly swears and talks shit as most would say, makes me feel better lol. Think his story is what makes the difference, the crap he's been through from childhood and he still made a success of his life. By far Recovery is my fave album, it's his 'realest' work. Could listen to it on repeat all day. Have listened to it to go to sleep too lol.

If i could put one of his tracks to my thoughts and feelings right now it would be No Love. It say's it all really. He's a lyrical genius, won't be another like him for a very long time. It's funny how you can tell what his album is going to be like just by looking at how he looks - bleached hair = piss taking funny shit - brown hair = real talk. Either way, he's one hell of a talented guy.


Friday 9 October 2015

X marks the spot

So after a mad 24+ hours and police statements I have just this 1 thing to get off my chest because god knows I'm damn sick of crying over worthless people.

Exes are exes for a reason, once they become an ex they should stay an ex. No exceptions. Ever. The lies they spin to get what they want and when they do, oh wait, actually they don't want that! I have never played games with anyone, here or RL, I have never said something knowing that it would break someone when the truth came out. I have never told anyone something to get my own way and then used a weakness of theirs against them and as justification for shitty behaviour. I thought SL was a place for adults. Apparently not.
And people seriously wonder why I have no-one around me? Look what happens. People that supposedly care about me fuck me over time and time again. I don't need anyone to feel bad for me and I certainly don't need your fucking pity.
Grow the fuck up and stop playing with peoples lives

This time I am sticking to what I said before, once your gone your gone

Thursday 8 October 2015

"I'm only one call away, I'll be there to save the day, superman got nothin' on me, I'm only one call away - Call me baby if you need a friend, I just want to give you love come on come on come on, reaching out to you so take a chance, no matter where you go, you know your not alone"

Everything this guy touches turns to gold he's super talented, 100% adorable and everything he sings is believable. Probably the only artist i can listen to and eye's filling up is almost a guarantee every time. His smile maaaaan! He's so cute.
ANYWAY!
So you know when your talking with someone, and the conversations goes in the direction of "there's not a single thing you could tell me that would make me think any different", yea, you know what I mean, we've all been there lol. Well, I may be about to put that to the test. I'm not sure if that's a good idea, or a bad idea, but, if I do it, I will know by the end of it lol.
It's weird because it's not very often I feel like I could tell everything, and I mean everything, from right back when I was knee high to a grass hopper - still kinda am but good things come in small packages! I'm pretty sure that views would change if everything was laid bare but I'm finding it hard to fight the urge to put it to the test. Of course, it could and more than likely would be disastrous, why are women so self destructive?!
Or is it just me? Surely it can't just be me.
Oh boy, so I'm listening to my playlist whilst writing this and bam, Faith Hill - There you'll be comes on. Cue the tears. This was part of my music practical for GCSE. I played this and sang it, I was so ill, could hardly talk let alone sing lol Killed me to do it. Literally, 2 weeks I couldn't talk for. I got a B overall for music, one of the teachers lost part of my coursework so I missed out on an A. Pissed was not the word. I love the film too. Cry like a baby watching that. Ben Affleck actually did good!
I should stop listening to music that makes me want to cry - not good! Lol



Thursday 1 October 2015

Some kind of magic

Holy crap! I'm a miracle worker, seriously. Don't believe me? I'll prove it....

I'm dancing on water! Lol see, I told you :p
Technically it's true, but more like a boredom buster than miracle.
This is what happens when I'm bored and left to my own devices. Last time, i got stuck inside a tv so i got off pretty lightly this time round. What can I do next?

Oooh! I know what I'm going to do, I'm going to start making plans for halloween. Last time I dressed up for halloween I was a broken wind up doll and the time before that, way back in my very first avi I think i was a slightly demented Alice running around Wonderland with a pretty kitchen knife covered in the red stuff. Got away with murder that time! R.I.P Shiny, I love you still! I didn't mean to stab her. Kind of lol.

When I worked RMA we had these awesome face tattoos that were creepy as fuck, can't remember who
made them though.
Now I can either go raid my old avi's invy (that in itself is scary) or i can search through the listings on marketplace, never know might find something cool, or not.  Might just have to go with the good old witch get up. Talking about witches, I could seriously do with some of Little mixes Black Magic lol.
Love those girls, backed them all the way through x-factor <3


Tuesday 29 September 2015

What is goin on??

Seems I have been asking myself that a lot these past few days! My RL has been beyond crazy and the only real break away from it is me being able to log in....that being said, my SL hasn't exactly been smooth sailing lately either! I cant flippin win *sighs*

If it's not jumped up hookers that seem to think they are all high and mighty talking to you like your something they just wiped from their plastic stilettos its other people asking so much of you and expecting so much from you. How do I even get myself into these situations?

First of all - and don't get me wrong, if you want to be a hooker, sorry, escort, that's absolutely fine with me, I have nothing against it it's your choice BUT if you want to talk to me like I'm some dumbass for asking 1 simple question then I think you need to be reminded it is *you* that is selling yourself for a living, not me, it is *you* that has to have a wishlist of things you want others to buy for you, not me, I can buy that myself! Don't step to me with your holier than thou attitude when your legs open more than your eyes do.

Secondly - and this I'm stuck on. Kind of, I don't even know! Why is it ok for someone to ask so much of me, expect so much when they give so little? Or gave so little. Things happen and time moves on, how are you supposed to just jump back to a point previous and get on with it like nothing changed. Why is it ok to be told repeatedly 'i want this, i need this, i need whatever' common factor in that is I. Because its whats best for you. No-one gave a fuck what was best for me, still, it doesn't matter what is best for me, just whats best for others. Why is that ok? Is that ok? Why do I let myself get sucked right back in, I was doing good, right?

It's all too much, and people wonder why I cut all ties or I get 'cold' about things. I'm pretty sure people see the kind of person I am and think oh she will give everything, she will be good to me yada yada yada and think its ok to exploit that. Exploit? that's a harsh word but it fits.
There is so much going on in my head right now I'm surprised it hasn't fallen off or ran off more like. I don't want to think about things, make decisions, process all the crap that's been given to me. Dumped on me - again. I think that was the huge pull of the UNIA game I played.

Which I completed! Yay to that. Well, I only just found out, courtesy of Q - a really nice super helpful pea! that I unintentionally cut a couple corners in the game. 3 to be exact, that I know of lol. So I didn't open the briefcase in the car boot before completing the rooms the apparition takes you to. The briefcase held all the files that gave you clues on how to do each room. Huge grin to the fact I didn't need them, but the real reason I didn't have them was because I couldn't find the code to open the case. I since found it, and I'm pretty sure Q was taking the piss with his hint on how to get the code but I was laughing at how obvious it was too. After.
So now I have to figure out how to get the rifle from the locker and what the poster with the force field on it means...Q where you at?? lol
It was a great game though, couldn't have got past the turrets without his help, and it was a great way to completely immerse myself away from everything else, every ones demands, my thoughts and obnoxious hookers and whatever else.
I will definitely be going gold for peatonville. Hurry up Friday!

Sunday 27 September 2015

Slowly goin crazy

Who said it would be a good idea to start a completely player immersive game (in the wrong order might i add) when the help group is shutting down and the new game is a matter of days away??

Oh, that would be me.

So I did Madpeas 'The Collection' game, which was like a hunt, point and click interactive type of thing and it was really cool. Of course I only did the bronze level, didn't think id like it all that much but it was great. I remember when I started it, it gave a bit of back ground story about a town called Molimo. Anyway, it took me 2 or 3 days to complete it. I wondered about this placed called Molimo, I mean it had to mean something for it to be mentioned right?

Cue UNIA, another Madpea game, set in Molimo! I'm kinda guessing UNIA should have been played before The Collection but I went backwards! So far, ive been abducted, chased by scarecrows, worm food countless times, been shot at by turrets, have been murdered by hooks um 3 times now? and it just keeps goin lol. Oh and I kicked a hay bale monsters ass and stole his pitchfork! The puzzles you find when you chase the blue phantom thing are really cool, and hard! I think I'm about half way through. Luckily, due to some sl glitch, I managed to replay the puzzle over and over without being crushed in between the walls. A few others tried whilst I was there and they got crushed lol so I've no idea why I didn't. Anyway, I completed that 1. It's just the rest of the game I have to figure out....
Kinda hard when the official help group is closing down but I will keep at it until I crack it or crack up. Whichever comes first!

I'm not sure if being ill in RL is a help or a hinderence but I do know I'm addicted. And that being said....I'm going back to UNIA! wish me luck lol

Thursday 24 September 2015

Calm after the storm

Ok, I'm calm. Or calmer. Yesterday was an off day - for various reasons. I reached my tipping point way quicker than I expected and in all honesty, who would be happy to log in to a load of shit from anyone after a crappy morning in RL?

Anyway, its done - deep breath. Almost went right back to needing validation from someone else but after a few hours sleep (still not sleeping good lol) I know I don't *need* someone to make me feel better. Doesn't mean I don't want someone to do that, i do, but I'm a tough cookie, I can handle it.

I did think about removing the post but why should I, its how I felt yesterday and besides, the point of this blog is not to entertain others or to become something, it's a personal record, my personal record of  *My* SL. Music is kinda keeping me grounded.

So between, mini storms in teacups and unwanted lectures about virtues we all step over, I've been wondering what to do, between work and other stuff :) Wanted to do the twisted hunt but I never really got over the fact I have a few of the cubes missing from my collection now. Will never have the complete set so I'm like what's the point. I did find this amazing little place, very pretty sim. Even had what I've been searching for for so long! Oh and I'm undecided if I should start UNIA. I'm thinking go for the bronze hud to see if I like it then maybe go back for the silver or gold. I don't know. The last madpeas game I played was awesome, only did the bronze then too so might do a higher level.

I think i need to stop thinking and start doing!

Wednesday 23 September 2015

Somethin to say...

I apologize in advance BUT....

If you want to send me abuse to the extent that you did - again, and not expect me to fire back you are seriously wrong. The first time you wanted to call me all the names under the sun, you got away with with me smiling and telling you have a nice day, second time? No fucking way. Who the fuck do you seriously think you are? And don't pretend like your not going to see this - I know you sit there and watch every damn thing I'm doing coz your sad like that. You even have to go to the extent of using MY friends, wait, let me rephrase that, the snakes around me to find out things and give you the ammo you THINK you have.
Lol what did they tell you? I spend too much trying to look nice? I'm always alone? Im fucking some new guy that probably has 10 other girls going?
It's PATHETIC!
The funny part is that you actually think your smart the way you went about it, oh and just a f.y.i the DMCA was dropped against Belleza so you can go fuck yourself with the same line your trying to run about me buying stolen content. Yes, it cost 4k, so??? I worked fucking hard for my money and I'll spend it on what I want, when I want. Don't get mad coz you can't! The people that really know me, know that I 100% support any creator that has had something stolen or copybotted. What you have to say on supposed stolen content will in no way shape or form ruin my work.
Your a sad little boy that can't deal with the fact you screwed up! You walked away from me remember? Best fucking day of my life in all honesty. Wasn't like you had it down or anything, i was scared to be on my own but you know what - I got over it! I'm perfectly fine on my own. I can fuck me better than you ever could!
And as for your opinions on the current relationship you think I'm hiding - round of applause, you actually put a rational explanation together as to why I would hide something. Here's the flaw to your idea, I DON'T CARE! I do not care enough to hide something from you, or anyone else any more. You just don't like the fact I'm happy.
Want to call me a slut for having fun? Go for it, want to stand around with people you think you know laughing and joking, oh she's fucking some new guy, he don't even love her, she's just a waste. I DON'T CARE!
Yes I'm fucking some new guy as you put it, it will never be you so get over it. He don't love me? Doesn't change the fact I'm fucking him :) You might know how to hit me where it hurts but I still get back up.
And don't think I wont know who's been feeding all this info to you, you forget I have very few people around me that know the kind of stuff your coming at me with. Wont take me long - in fact I'm pretty sure I already know. You all have seriously bad memories, see before you tried it with me, you all happily told me every single 1 of you dirty little secrets and its just a waiting game before I put you on blast and your whole worlds come crashing down around you. How is the family btw? :) You have no idea what family means. We were family, I broke my back for you and this is what I get?
Oh and you can A.R the ass out of me, your just wasting your time. I've done nothing wrong, you guys on the other hand... lol yea, lets just say it can be all over in a click of the send button.
I'm not a bad person, far from it, the people that matter to me know exactly who I am, but keep pushing it and I'll go to those depths, and I'll still come out of it smiling.
I bet your sitting there, reading this, twisting up that face of yours thinking she wouldn't do that

FUCKING TRY ME
I dare you

Tuesday 22 September 2015

Just one of them days

Today has definitely been 1 of them days, up down round the bend loop da loop and then come to a screaching halt. Music, that was the answer and who would have known the radio stream for where I stay is pretty damn good! So much so I had to download some of the songs to my phone (wtg Apple music, screw you spotify). Anyway, I'm standing around with not much to do, dancing around like an ass. Was kinda scary as i could 100% see me dancing like that in RL! lol, thats when it hit, my favourite song came on and it started me off on a little hunt of more of his songs....

I played 'One call away' that was it, that was my un-doing, so to speak!

Eyes filled up, heart melted, even had this little pout thing going on lol. I can hand on heart say that this song is everythin I want in someone. Who wouldn't? And he's absolutely adorable <3


Monday 21 September 2015

Totally irrelevant BUT

BONES IS BACK!!!

Do you even realise how excited I am about that?? October 1st season 11 kicks off woop! (completely irrelevant to SL hence the post title :p)
Apparently Booth is missing though? Bones is going to have a little boy, just wait and see and I have this really bad feeling gambling has something to do with Booths disappearance :( The last season saw him slipping back into his old lifestyle but I'm hoping he recovers. There's no Bones without Booth!

I've loved this show for years, mainly because it had Angel from buffy in it (yup, i was a die hard fan of that) but it had me hooked with the story lines and the mystery. Plus it was adorable watching Booth chase Bones and be like 'it's going to happen, you might as well give in'
Cried when they killed off sweets, he was lovely and poor Daisy! But what she did when he baby was born was real sweet.

By far, the best on-going story line was the Palante one. Apparently, I think in this season, there's supposed to be another serial killer like him but worse! Cant wait.
Anyway, nerd rant over! I'm going to have a nice cup of hot chocolate to calm down lol
<3

If i showed you my flaws....

Nothing to say on this other than its probably one of the easiest song to relate to. Pretty sure i wont be the only one thinking that. Love it <3 Oh and to answer you Adam - hell yes!



Saturday 19 September 2015

Umm what?!?

I heard the funniest thing today from a complete stranger - I have the mouth of a trucker, the mind of a hooker and the look of an angel.

WTF??!

I asked how they came to that conclusion and here's how they broke it down
Mouth of a trucker - the swearing in my profile
Mind of a hooker - just a feeling he had
Look of an angel - I look like butter wouldn't melt
Apparently! Lol
Shockingly, I do agree, to some extent. I swear a lot, seriously bad habit. But did you know those that swear a lot are more than likely the most honest? Ahhh see I'm only being truthful! Have been told i look sweet, which does have it advantages but more often than not gets you completely overlooked.
The mind of a hooker I struggled a bit on, I wouldn't exactly say what I like runs along the hooker lines, yes I do have a darker side. I think we've all been in a situation when you just want to say tie me down and do what you want, right? No? Ok!

Liar! Lol
You have to be really special to get that side of me to come out and it would probably knock you for 6 if you knew everything, no holds barred BUT that would be telling :p


A new direction?

So, my nearest and dearest came up with this idea, a way to inject some fun into life, to take our minds off love and relationships - or the lack of. Something that would be fun to do together, get us talking to new people (that part scares the pants of me but I can front it out lol) and just in general letting go.
*Dun dun dah!*
The Sex Spa was born!!!

On a serious level it is a amazing space, beautifully set up with so much to do. We're still fine tuning some details and have lots going on, logos, info ncs, applications but it will be one hell of a place to visit, hang out and get some!
I'm pretty sure though, I will never watch a certain Disney film in the same light after the artwork missy has put up! You will have to come over and see what i mean lol then you'll get it. I was trying to tell her about this clocking in system i used to use at a previous job completely oblivious to what i had wrote. I flip between my ncs and my i.m box to see 'COCK SYSTEM?!' lol I had told missy I had used a cock system rather than clocking in system - hmm what was I thinking about I wonder??.
Anyway, she outed me! She flat out told her friends I needed to get laid lol its a good job I love her <3

Hopefully we will have this place up and running real soon, she wants to talk to some people about the BDSM side of what we have on offer, to see what people want from that scene.
Do I tell her I could point her in the right direction.....or maybe she will have a heart attack at that! lol
I'm almost 100% she thinks I'm too sweet for that :p

Friday 18 September 2015

Playing with fire...

Taking the advice of my dearest friend, I finally said fuck it. Being a hopeless romantic, holding out for the perfect person and all that mushy stuff was not getting me anywhere. Time to try something new - and completely out of character, and scary, and embarrassing and yada yada yada....

I hooked up with someone I had just met. Eeek! Me? yea me, the quiet shy girl that was awkward around people, I took this huge leap of faith that I needed to do that. And I did! 100% needed to do that, it was 6 years over due. I mean come on, we have those mad crazy urges too, its not just the guys that need sex. And if you think it is like that, your seriously kidding yourself! Lol
Be honest, how many times have you just wanted to throw down and fuck someone senseless but didn't because it wasn't the right time/place or some other reason??
Wont go into specifics, even if it is just sex, that's between me and that person but it was such a huge relief to let go, to finally do what I wanted without having to think if I should or not. The sex is amazing - that is all I'm saying on it but here's the problem....
I started noticing how at ease I felt around him, like it had been going on for years. Then I noticed his eyes, oh boy he has killer eyes...not literally but you get the picture. Could not shake the image of him from my head, still cant! I dont want to chase anyone else. So quickly I was, am addicted to him, he is the right mix of everything. I think anyway. Am I setting myself up for another major fall? Did it already happen? Is it history repeating itself?
I cant answer that....
All I know is that I cant get enough of this person. Im pretty sure it will all end in tears, mine! but it will be one sweet ride getting there (seriously, no pun intended there)
I did the stupid thing of writing him a note and sending it, which I thought was a kick ass idea at the time until an hour later I thought shit, wtf have I done. Did tell him to delete it but apparently no-one does that!! Lol anyway, he knows. Could be a good thing, or a bad......I'm undecided.....

In the beginning....pt 3

Cue a really cute guy that came along and swept me off my feet with his sweet talk. He was a little odd, was really into 'old time' RP, but he was nice. Until it came out he didnt want or like sex! Lol needless to say i hit the roof. Why would someone lead you on, let you get attached knowing full well you want that and then be like oh um yea, i dont do that. Well, he did, once, so screw you you liar! Lol. He crept back into my life and like a stupid little girl that hasnt learnt a single thing from her past experiences with dicks, i went there again. And got fucked over again.
That was it, final straw had been pulled. Fast forward in time to now, September 2015, and here i am (that was pretty short for 6 or so years worth of shit lol)

Did i just do it again?......

In the beginning....pt 2

Work became my go to, my escape from the shitty feeling he had left me with, the anger at having to trash my favourite skin because his bit on the side had the exact same one! I worked my way from model right up to manager at a popular clothing store. Had 20+ girls working along side me, p.r'd the life out of that place, came up with ways to get more people through the door, SAVED everyones jobs when the boss went off on one. The bitching got too much though and it was decided to just have a manager, me. Didnt go down to well at all. Worked my ass off for that place, literally, to come back to a note from my holiday sayin i was fired - she didnt want anyone working there no more.
That cut deep. Luckily, i had already met a really cool person and was working with her for a few months before i lost that job so i concentrated on that.
As well as juggling work, i had one of the most demanding, over bearing, manipulative relationships ive ever had. I really do mean crazy crazy. Lets call him Dom gone mad! Again, work became my escape from his craziness. Looking back on it i have no idea why i even went there, i think i had a screw loose at the time, must have. Thats all there is to it. I was crazy. Eventually decided enough was enough, made a complete new start, only 2 people knew i had a new account - my then sister and my boss.
He only went and found me in my new avi - see what i mean by crazy? He went to my work saw there was a new manager and contacted my boss to ask if it was me, just in an alt lol. Oh god i cant tell you the creepiness he said, i never admitted to him it was me, didnt stop him leaving me messages about watching me while i sleep and crazy shit like that.
Working quickly took over every aspect of my SL. I was managing missys store, her events promotions, a group of fashion sims she owned, helped with events, took care of bloggers. It was just constant work. Suited me just fine, not like i had anyone around anyway, right?

In the beginning...pt1

There was this girl, the quiet nerdy type that was watching an episode of C.s.i NY (big mistake cutting that btw) one night. Anyway, in this episode they were tracking a killer through a virtual world....You know where im going with this? Lol

Yes, i found SL through C.s.i NY and from the moment i fired up the laptop and chose my god awful noob avi i was hooked. That was way back when there was no movement to your hair, bling was cool and orange skins were all the rage. Not to mention the hideous clothes, box shoes and all the duck walking - until someone kindly told me i needed an A.O. An A.O? wtf is that?? 3 people took me under their wings and helped me learn the basics. Christina, Virgoth & Paige.
I was fascinated with poseballs and all the things you could make this avi do. Can honestly say i was probably one of the most naive people in SL lol pissed a few people off too with all the poseball hopping! I had no concept of RP or emoting back then, Paige tried to teach me but yea, didnt really work!
Sl was full of seedy sex places 6 or so years ago, and i quickly learnt not everything was as it seemed. Just ask the horse at some picturesque farm that i stumbled upon. Surprise of my life to say the least and more than likely the reason horses now terrify me lol. I am pleased to say and know, i wasnt the only one that had an unwelcomed encounter with the horsey kind! (thank you missy for that confession :p)
Of course, i fell in love, with the wrong kind of person, that i was absolutely blinded by. Should have been a clear enough sign when i caught him fuckin some girl in the gardens at roseland but nope, i was the idiot that said hey lets get together! Didnt last, and a year, maybe 2 down the line, when he contacted me from a different avi realisation hit me smack bang in the face.....he had been having his bit on the side since day 1! Dumbass left a paper trail of his lies and i found it lol.