Wednesday, 11 November 2015

I hold my hands up!

First of all - I told you so.
I knew id end the day happy. And do you know what? Its so frikkin cool i can say that and know it will happen! lol
It don't even matter that that Black ops gets slated. Its all good, is good to have someone to play games with and talk about stuff you have loved for years and not get the weird looks or the puzzled expressions. No one gets a gamer like a gamer. Or a nerd for that matter.

Anyway, before i fire up SL, I'm dancing round my kitchen blasting the cheesiest pop songs you ever did hear - trust me on that! Bass up, volume up, mop in hand (makes a great pretend mic btw lol) and I'm singing along when suddenly it hits me - if anyone caught me listening to this crap it would be like the most epic walk of shame ever. Don't believe me? Hmm let me see...anyone remember OTown?...maybe a bit of N*Sync (cant knock those guys though - ever!) I do hold my hands up, my taste in music couldn't get more random. My eldest was digging through an old box of my stuff from school and he pulled out a Linkin Park c.d
Firstly he was like wtf is this disc thing lol i put it on for him and he looked at me like i was a nutter. Mum, you seriously listened to this? Like really?
Damn straight i did!

I love music, all sorts, i cant stick to one genre. Whats the point in that? But even i have to admit some of the stuff i know word for word is really bad. They make the songs so catchy though and then you know it for life. No point fighting it coz its there in your head. You ever been somewhere and heard a song and then your singing along word for word thinking where the fuck did that come from. Yea, that's me all over.

Tuesday, 10 November 2015

Dot dot dot

Today has probably been one of the worst I've had in a long time and that hasn't been caused by someone i liked. Ever wish you could just switch off your RL sometimes and just run away? Irresponsible i know but surely everyone's felt like that every once in a while? No? Maybe.

I did spend a little bit of time online today, made a new pic, nothing fancy but i like how it turned out. Think its the hair colour that does it for me. May have to go get me some purple. I miss having my hair coloured :( I miss having long hair too. Anyway, i decided to take my ass to bed and hide from the world for a bit. Don't feel like dealing with most others in SL right now. And definitely can not be arsed to deal with people that seem to think its ok to ignore me until they need a bit of support or reassurance or a bit of company ect ect ect. I'm not a rent-a-friend. if i can be decent enough to acknowledge you when you need it have the same courtesy or get the fuck out of my life. I'm done with every kind of relationship being a one way street.
4 people, i can safely say i don't get that with. 4!?! That's like more than double the amount i could say not so long ago lol. I think I'm secretly fussy about who i open up to. But yea, 4 people that are always treating me like an equal. Its such a change from the usual crap! Seriously lol.

I know that by the time it gets late for me, i'll be feeling so much better. Late night chats and massive debates about the WWE always make me smile. Even if staying up til gone 4am to watch with a real close friend almost kills me. Things you do for some people huh lol. Still, i know he stays up late to talk to me too. Exactly what i mean by it not being a one way street.
Not really sure what the purpose of this post is to be honest, just felt like writing it. Have so much going round in my head I'm just going to get caught up in it if i stay thinking it over. So here i am.

Hate being a girl - sorry, correction - woman! apparently i should stop referring to myself as a girl lol its a habit. A hard 1 to kick. Anyway, i hate it sometimes, feel like a complete train wreck and then in a split second something will pop into my head and I'm smiling. Emotions are little fuckers. When you think you have them in check they splinter off into , um, i don't know but they don't stay in check!
I'm glad i don't have to put up with a woman. We can be so difficult at times. Of course we're worth it but yea, its hard work.

And on that note, I'm going to hunt down some ice cream, grab some tissues and give my pillow some head (whoever thought that up your a genius) might take out some frustration on some games. I don't know yet. Might log back in. Might even drown in a pool of tears and melted ice cream. Could always watch Pitch Perfect 2 again...that'd make me laugh........

oh and this is the colour i want to do my hair!


Monday, 9 November 2015

-Suck my Fuck- and walk away....

I have the most amazing people in my life right now - just putting that out there. I love them so much, always have the funniest thing to say or can read me like a book. Always got time too! Even when its 4am and theyve got to leave for work lol.
Its nice. Real nice. Cant tell you how boring and tedious it gets when you are making all the effort, doing all the running, constantly waiting for a reply. I saw something somewhere and i was like ooh that is bang on. It was - getting no message is also a message. How damn true is that?? Well, i can finally say i have some really good people around me.

So after a nightmare morning in RL, i log in and get an instant 'hi' message. Work mode kicks in - coz why would anyone be contacting me other than to ask about an event or for some help, right?. Anyway, i replied with hi **** can i help you with something. He asked for a tp, i ask a tp for where, thinking he might want the lm to men only district or something and he wrote back 'to your bed'. No sooner had he wrote that and im standing there butt nekkid outside my house 2000 something meters up in the air he fucking drops in. Like right next to me. So i hit 1 of the Lms i have in my favourites bar and pray its not AB or Kittycats seen as im not dressed and likely to find myself with a ban if i did go there! Luckily, i land at the sex spa - ironic huh. I ask why i would do that, making sure i got dressed (dont ask!). Because i asked if i could help with something was his reply. WTF?! Seriously lol.  Anyway, i went back home, told him in no uncertain terms to go fuck himself and get the hell off my land, whilst i added him to the ban list and guess what??I saw his ass get ejected....and he landed on the plot right beside mine. Dont know if he rents it or just stumbled across it but yea. That was morning!

And now, im having these doubts on if i should stay where i am...i mean its nice there but its smaller than i usually have but at the same time why should i have to uproot again. Theres just something off about the whole thing. I have a feeling i know the person, but as someone else. I dont know. Maybe im being paranoid. That tends to happen when alt accounts are used to, well yea, it happens. Havent really been home a lot anyway. Been otherwise occupied or helping out with some events that are running. Its funny, all the years ive worked events and ive only ever really looked at the dynamic between myself and designers as purely professional - which it still is! Lately my view has changed slightly, has kinda taken on a friendship role, if thats the right word!?
Automatically you would assume oh theyre looking for an easy lay, believe me ive said this so many times about so many people but thats not the case. I know that because they are partnered up and im not even slightly interested, plus 1 is a chick. I dont dig chicks like that. But its cool when you realise that people youve only ever known through work have a good view of you and take the time every now and then to talk outside of work. Thats where i got this post title from....I saw it in a profile and it really made me smile.
Girl : Oh i hate you, you need to grow up and change
Boy : Suck my Fuck -walks away-
Lol no idea why that made me smile so much.
Oh and BTW i am friends with more guys than girls - its just the way i am. I get on better with men. Does not mean im trying or planning to bed hop with them all.

Right about now, im going to go make some food, check i dont have no creepy peeps outside my house, clean up and then sit my ass down and maybe, just maybe, get around to making some new textures for some appliers, or for some mesh, havent decided yet.
I did decide my next tattoo will be the Avengers 'A' though! with maybe their weapons behind it. Irrelevant but it popped in my head!

Thursday, 5 November 2015

5 O'clock in the morning

Ok, maybe not so much 5 o'clock - 21 minutes past 8 in the morning, think i managed about an hour and a half maybe 2 hours sleep last night. My head is fucked! My days of pulling all nighters are seriously long gone. I put the bleach in the fridge and the milk on the windowsill - getting the picture? I have a feeling I'm going to crash and burn at some point today, possibly be comatose til tomorrow morning.

I don't even know where to begin, the start would be a good idea but but everything is so blurred i lost the start lol. In the shortest space of time I've gone to both ends of the emotional scale and back again it doesn't seem real. Or that it should be even capable. You know that feeling, the complete high that makes you kinda want to hit the pause button and just have it over and over again and the right down to wanting the ground to open up and swallow you hole. Um, i mean whole. It would be a hole swallowing you but not the right hole i meant.

The tiny piece of rationality that i try my hardest to cling on to, and so often leaves me stranded, would probably have kept me from laying my cards on the table and leaving me completely stripped of, um, whats the word? I don't know , my heads not quite working yet. But, when i need rationality the most, guess what, it fucking does one and leaves me a mess. Understatement right there. So here's the bit I'm at a loss with, don't know how why or whatever other question you can throw at it.
After crying it out - as you do, for god knows how long, long enough to make my pillow soggy and my body to shut down and sleep, thinking about it, i don't feel as bad about it as i should? I trust whats been said. I don't feel like it's just a line being spun to keep options open. That's never happened before. I don't know how to process that. I'm ok with it because whats been said to me, i believe it and it is enough.

A long time I've been around in SL, no, not bike been around just been on the grid. Nothing is a comparison on right now. Does that make this crazy rollercoaster the real deal? I don't know. It doesn't really matter what the answer to that is. Something I've learned, but always seem to push to the back of my head until I'm reminded again is I'm not made to be with someone. Simple as that lol. I was designed to be a hopeless romantic as Missy put it.
Where is my girl when i need her - pretty sure she has a spare pair of slippers and a drink or two floating around! Wait, i know where she is, that damn thing called RL lol stole her for a while. Oh well, looks like I'll have to ride this one out on my own or blow up her skype.
Yo missaay! Bring the ice cream and bottles.

1 thing i do know, or I'm at least aware of, is that despite not getting my own way ( yes, i have a bratty side) i still haven't been in a happier place before. So its not really a loss, is it? Hmmm. Maybe, i don't know, but i don't want to give up something that is just so...

Wednesday, 4 November 2015

Neglected Update

Wow, has been a few weeks since i last opened this up. Haven't even given it a second thought in all honesty - been kinda caught up with some stuff. All good :)

So, what's been going on since i last wrote? Umm, well, i hate to sound like a broken record *but* those pretty little rose tinted glasses I've carried around with me for so so long have officially been trashed, and like someone close to me said - I'm trusting my instincts.
I know now that thing that have had me so tied up in knots mean nothing. It's time for me to quit trying to be this perfect person, trying to please everyone and letting myself get hurt. I'm worth more than that - a couple of real special people have made me finally see that. 

It is so nice to not be constantly giving, to have something given back, to be on a level playing field, really. I cant even really describe it. It's put a whole new spin on things and made me realise just how selfish some people are! Give an inch - take a mile as the saying goes.
I guess I'm at a point where i feel content with what i have. Sure i may not have *the* ring on my finger and all that but what i do have is enough to make me happy. Really happy. Not like 'omg I'm so happy right now' but actually happy, deep down. I have truly amazing friends, new and old. Missy especially, she's always there. The people i have close to me mean everything to me and i don't question if its the same for them. I trust them.
Some more than others for reasons i wont go into! But at the end of it it'd believe them over anyone else every time.

Apart from a major reality check and some pretty sweet new experiences, i did Peatonville!! In 1 day, less really but yea, 1 day was all it took. Couldn't do it until a few days after opening - it was so packed and laggy i tp'd to the asylum and i was butt nekkid and bald. Don't get me wrong, i fitted in perfectly but, aint no way in hell I'm running round hunting ghosts naked so i left it until the crowd died down. Was a little disappointed at how quickly i got through it, i thought there might have been some kind of puzzles to solve like UNIA but it was still really fun. So much so, i reset my hud and started all over again. Mainly due to boredom. Got a nice little trophy too haha, that's all i really wanted. I now have something from each of the games set out in my home - in the games room! The exciting news is that MadPeas are collaborating with Firestorm, i think, to open a sim dedicated to past games and stuff like that. So cant wait for that if that happens. Will have to take someone with me though coz I'm sure there are some killer clowns included in those plans.

Oh and now Halloween is over, up goes the Christmas tree! Lol seriously, i have started decorating already. Oooh and my new home has a weather system too. I can make it rain or snow. Like I'm a mini god or something lol. On a bad note, i got totally screwed over by a gacha machine. Twice!! Seriously, how many people spend thousands between 2 damn machines just to try and win 1 piece from each??
I did.
Needless to say i still didnt get what i wanted lol so i bought it from someone else. And all the extras went onto marketplace. :)

Also started my own stuff up again, decided to keep the LdN Girl name. Was so tempted to go back to Owned but I'm a London girl lol. I don't think I'll get a lot made up over the next week or so, Black Ops 3 comes out Friday. I'm praying so hard it's better than Ghost and Advanced Warfare. Please please please gaming gods, don't let it be a let down. The Beta was pretty shit. I don't have high hopes.
Miracle needed, over at the Treyarch office. Give me a reason to log into PSN. Please.

Sunday, 18 October 2015

Cali Baby!

I found this neat little place last night, beautiful place to just sit and relax. And perfect for sitting by a fire and warming up. So I'm sitting by the fire, watching the waves roll in and i spot something that guarantees to make me giggle, something that when I'm inside I'm 100% fine but then get outside, into the breeze and bang - i feel like I've been doing neat shots lol.
Hello Malibu!
My favourite of all time. I was real young when i had my first taste, think that's why i feel immune to it until i get outside. Anyway, whilst i warmed up and kept watch over the bottles a passer by sat down by the fire too. We had a brief conversation about the area and apparently you can surf here! Makes sense. So today, I'm going to brave the waters and I'm going to introduce my face to the waves lol. I don't care though, i love the water. Love being around it, its so calming and has the ability to make you feel so many different emotions.
I will definitely be visiting again - to keep an eye on that bottle! lol and if i make friends with the surf board i may come back for that too.

Saturday, 17 October 2015

Without even knowing?

Is it really true that the kind of music you listen to can give someone an insight into how you feel, or whats going on inside even if you yourself don't just think its good music?
I put this little theory to the test with a very very old friend of mine. Miss T! Where you been girl?? Lol Its great to see you back online, I'm still not into chicks though, hate to break it to you - again! :p

So, i gave my current playlist to Tianna, see if she could shed some light on whats going on in my own little world. I gave her

Sia - Chandelier
David Guetta ft Skylar Grey - Rise
R. City - Take you down
Charlie Puth ft Meghan Trainor - Marvin Gaye
R. City ft Chloe Angelides - Make up
Bad Meets Evil ft Bruno Mars - Lighters
Little Mix - Hair
Skylar Grey - Coming Home pt2
Zedd ft Hayley Williams - Stay the night
Charlie Puth - One call away
Lil Wayne ft Charlie Puth - Nothing but trouble
R. City ft Adam Levine - Locked away
Little Mix - Black Magic
Eminem ft Lil Wayne - No love

And from that she got absolutely nothing! Other than i am completely random when it comes to music lol. 3 hours later she left me a lovely i.m telling me that I'm over a dick, got it bad for someone, still fighting and 100% obsessed with sex.
How much of that is true? Ummmm next question lol
The little girl in Sia's video, Maddie Ziegler she is insane. To have that ability to dance like that at 11 years old and to have the amount of expression and feeling come through is unbelievable. You should see Sia's Big girls cry video. Shes amazingly talented.