Tuesday, 29 September 2015

What is goin on??

Seems I have been asking myself that a lot these past few days! My RL has been beyond crazy and the only real break away from it is me being able to log in....that being said, my SL hasn't exactly been smooth sailing lately either! I cant flippin win *sighs*

If it's not jumped up hookers that seem to think they are all high and mighty talking to you like your something they just wiped from their plastic stilettos its other people asking so much of you and expecting so much from you. How do I even get myself into these situations?

First of all - and don't get me wrong, if you want to be a hooker, sorry, escort, that's absolutely fine with me, I have nothing against it it's your choice BUT if you want to talk to me like I'm some dumbass for asking 1 simple question then I think you need to be reminded it is *you* that is selling yourself for a living, not me, it is *you* that has to have a wishlist of things you want others to buy for you, not me, I can buy that myself! Don't step to me with your holier than thou attitude when your legs open more than your eyes do.

Secondly - and this I'm stuck on. Kind of, I don't even know! Why is it ok for someone to ask so much of me, expect so much when they give so little? Or gave so little. Things happen and time moves on, how are you supposed to just jump back to a point previous and get on with it like nothing changed. Why is it ok to be told repeatedly 'i want this, i need this, i need whatever' common factor in that is I. Because its whats best for you. No-one gave a fuck what was best for me, still, it doesn't matter what is best for me, just whats best for others. Why is that ok? Is that ok? Why do I let myself get sucked right back in, I was doing good, right?

It's all too much, and people wonder why I cut all ties or I get 'cold' about things. I'm pretty sure people see the kind of person I am and think oh she will give everything, she will be good to me yada yada yada and think its ok to exploit that. Exploit? that's a harsh word but it fits.
There is so much going on in my head right now I'm surprised it hasn't fallen off or ran off more like. I don't want to think about things, make decisions, process all the crap that's been given to me. Dumped on me - again. I think that was the huge pull of the UNIA game I played.

Which I completed! Yay to that. Well, I only just found out, courtesy of Q - a really nice super helpful pea! that I unintentionally cut a couple corners in the game. 3 to be exact, that I know of lol. So I didn't open the briefcase in the car boot before completing the rooms the apparition takes you to. The briefcase held all the files that gave you clues on how to do each room. Huge grin to the fact I didn't need them, but the real reason I didn't have them was because I couldn't find the code to open the case. I since found it, and I'm pretty sure Q was taking the piss with his hint on how to get the code but I was laughing at how obvious it was too. After.
So now I have to figure out how to get the rifle from the locker and what the poster with the force field on it means...Q where you at?? lol
It was a great game though, couldn't have got past the turrets without his help, and it was a great way to completely immerse myself away from everything else, every ones demands, my thoughts and obnoxious hookers and whatever else.
I will definitely be going gold for peatonville. Hurry up Friday!

Sunday, 27 September 2015

Slowly goin crazy

Who said it would be a good idea to start a completely player immersive game (in the wrong order might i add) when the help group is shutting down and the new game is a matter of days away??

Oh, that would be me.

So I did Madpeas 'The Collection' game, which was like a hunt, point and click interactive type of thing and it was really cool. Of course I only did the bronze level, didn't think id like it all that much but it was great. I remember when I started it, it gave a bit of back ground story about a town called Molimo. Anyway, it took me 2 or 3 days to complete it. I wondered about this placed called Molimo, I mean it had to mean something for it to be mentioned right?

Cue UNIA, another Madpea game, set in Molimo! I'm kinda guessing UNIA should have been played before The Collection but I went backwards! So far, ive been abducted, chased by scarecrows, worm food countless times, been shot at by turrets, have been murdered by hooks um 3 times now? and it just keeps goin lol. Oh and I kicked a hay bale monsters ass and stole his pitchfork! The puzzles you find when you chase the blue phantom thing are really cool, and hard! I think I'm about half way through. Luckily, due to some sl glitch, I managed to replay the puzzle over and over without being crushed in between the walls. A few others tried whilst I was there and they got crushed lol so I've no idea why I didn't. Anyway, I completed that 1. It's just the rest of the game I have to figure out....
Kinda hard when the official help group is closing down but I will keep at it until I crack it or crack up. Whichever comes first!

I'm not sure if being ill in RL is a help or a hinderence but I do know I'm addicted. And that being said....I'm going back to UNIA! wish me luck lol

Thursday, 24 September 2015

Calm after the storm

Ok, I'm calm. Or calmer. Yesterday was an off day - for various reasons. I reached my tipping point way quicker than I expected and in all honesty, who would be happy to log in to a load of shit from anyone after a crappy morning in RL?

Anyway, its done - deep breath. Almost went right back to needing validation from someone else but after a few hours sleep (still not sleeping good lol) I know I don't *need* someone to make me feel better. Doesn't mean I don't want someone to do that, i do, but I'm a tough cookie, I can handle it.

I did think about removing the post but why should I, its how I felt yesterday and besides, the point of this blog is not to entertain others or to become something, it's a personal record, my personal record of  *My* SL. Music is kinda keeping me grounded.

So between, mini storms in teacups and unwanted lectures about virtues we all step over, I've been wondering what to do, between work and other stuff :) Wanted to do the twisted hunt but I never really got over the fact I have a few of the cubes missing from my collection now. Will never have the complete set so I'm like what's the point. I did find this amazing little place, very pretty sim. Even had what I've been searching for for so long! Oh and I'm undecided if I should start UNIA. I'm thinking go for the bronze hud to see if I like it then maybe go back for the silver or gold. I don't know. The last madpeas game I played was awesome, only did the bronze then too so might do a higher level.

I think i need to stop thinking and start doing!

Wednesday, 23 September 2015

Somethin to say...

I apologize in advance BUT....

If you want to send me abuse to the extent that you did - again, and not expect me to fire back you are seriously wrong. The first time you wanted to call me all the names under the sun, you got away with with me smiling and telling you have a nice day, second time? No fucking way. Who the fuck do you seriously think you are? And don't pretend like your not going to see this - I know you sit there and watch every damn thing I'm doing coz your sad like that. You even have to go to the extent of using MY friends, wait, let me rephrase that, the snakes around me to find out things and give you the ammo you THINK you have.
Lol what did they tell you? I spend too much trying to look nice? I'm always alone? Im fucking some new guy that probably has 10 other girls going?
The funny part is that you actually think your smart the way you went about it, oh and just a f.y.i the DMCA was dropped against Belleza so you can go fuck yourself with the same line your trying to run about me buying stolen content. Yes, it cost 4k, so??? I worked fucking hard for my money and I'll spend it on what I want, when I want. Don't get mad coz you can't! The people that really know me, know that I 100% support any creator that has had something stolen or copybotted. What you have to say on supposed stolen content will in no way shape or form ruin my work.
Your a sad little boy that can't deal with the fact you screwed up! You walked away from me remember? Best fucking day of my life in all honesty. Wasn't like you had it down or anything, i was scared to be on my own but you know what - I got over it! I'm perfectly fine on my own. I can fuck me better than you ever could!
And as for your opinions on the current relationship you think I'm hiding - round of applause, you actually put a rational explanation together as to why I would hide something. Here's the flaw to your idea, I DON'T CARE! I do not care enough to hide something from you, or anyone else any more. You just don't like the fact I'm happy.
Want to call me a slut for having fun? Go for it, want to stand around with people you think you know laughing and joking, oh she's fucking some new guy, he don't even love her, she's just a waste. I DON'T CARE!
Yes I'm fucking some new guy as you put it, it will never be you so get over it. He don't love me? Doesn't change the fact I'm fucking him :) You might know how to hit me where it hurts but I still get back up.
And don't think I wont know who's been feeding all this info to you, you forget I have very few people around me that know the kind of stuff your coming at me with. Wont take me long - in fact I'm pretty sure I already know. You all have seriously bad memories, see before you tried it with me, you all happily told me every single 1 of you dirty little secrets and its just a waiting game before I put you on blast and your whole worlds come crashing down around you. How is the family btw? :) You have no idea what family means. We were family, I broke my back for you and this is what I get?
Oh and you can A.R the ass out of me, your just wasting your time. I've done nothing wrong, you guys on the other hand... lol yea, lets just say it can be all over in a click of the send button.
I'm not a bad person, far from it, the people that matter to me know exactly who I am, but keep pushing it and I'll go to those depths, and I'll still come out of it smiling.
I bet your sitting there, reading this, twisting up that face of yours thinking she wouldn't do that

I dare you

Tuesday, 22 September 2015

Just one of them days

Today has definitely been 1 of them days, up down round the bend loop da loop and then come to a screaching halt. Music, that was the answer and who would have known the radio stream for where I stay is pretty damn good! So much so I had to download some of the songs to my phone (wtg Apple music, screw you spotify). Anyway, I'm standing around with not much to do, dancing around like an ass. Was kinda scary as i could 100% see me dancing like that in RL! lol, thats when it hit, my favourite song came on and it started me off on a little hunt of more of his songs....

I played 'One call away' that was it, that was my un-doing, so to speak!

Eyes filled up, heart melted, even had this little pout thing going on lol. I can hand on heart say that this song is everythin I want in someone. Who wouldn't? And he's absolutely adorable <3

Monday, 21 September 2015

Totally irrelevant BUT


Do you even realise how excited I am about that?? October 1st season 11 kicks off woop! (completely irrelevant to SL hence the post title :p)
Apparently Booth is missing though? Bones is going to have a little boy, just wait and see and I have this really bad feeling gambling has something to do with Booths disappearance :( The last season saw him slipping back into his old lifestyle but I'm hoping he recovers. There's no Bones without Booth!

I've loved this show for years, mainly because it had Angel from buffy in it (yup, i was a die hard fan of that) but it had me hooked with the story lines and the mystery. Plus it was adorable watching Booth chase Bones and be like 'it's going to happen, you might as well give in'
Cried when they killed off sweets, he was lovely and poor Daisy! But what she did when he baby was born was real sweet.

By far, the best on-going story line was the Palante one. Apparently, I think in this season, there's supposed to be another serial killer like him but worse! Cant wait.
Anyway, nerd rant over! I'm going to have a nice cup of hot chocolate to calm down lol

If i showed you my flaws....

Nothing to say on this other than its probably one of the easiest song to relate to. Pretty sure i wont be the only one thinking that. Love it <3 Oh and to answer you Adam - hell yes!

Saturday, 19 September 2015

Umm what?!?

I heard the funniest thing today from a complete stranger - I have the mouth of a trucker, the mind of a hooker and the look of an angel.


I asked how they came to that conclusion and here's how they broke it down
Mouth of a trucker - the swearing in my profile
Mind of a hooker - just a feeling he had
Look of an angel - I look like butter wouldn't melt
Apparently! Lol
Shockingly, I do agree, to some extent. I swear a lot, seriously bad habit. But did you know those that swear a lot are more than likely the most honest? Ahhh see I'm only being truthful! Have been told i look sweet, which does have it advantages but more often than not gets you completely overlooked.
The mind of a hooker I struggled a bit on, I wouldn't exactly say what I like runs along the hooker lines, yes I do have a darker side. I think we've all been in a situation when you just want to say tie me down and do what you want, right? No? Ok!

Liar! Lol
You have to be really special to get that side of me to come out and it would probably knock you for 6 if you knew everything, no holds barred BUT that would be telling :p

A new direction?

So, my nearest and dearest came up with this idea, a way to inject some fun into life, to take our minds off love and relationships - or the lack of. Something that would be fun to do together, get us talking to new people (that part scares the pants of me but I can front it out lol) and just in general letting go.
*Dun dun dah!*
The Sex Spa was born!!!

On a serious level it is a amazing space, beautifully set up with so much to do. We're still fine tuning some details and have lots going on, logos, info ncs, applications but it will be one hell of a place to visit, hang out and get some!
I'm pretty sure though, I will never watch a certain Disney film in the same light after the artwork missy has put up! You will have to come over and see what i mean lol then you'll get it. I was trying to tell her about this clocking in system i used to use at a previous job completely oblivious to what i had wrote. I flip between my ncs and my i.m box to see 'COCK SYSTEM?!' lol I had told missy I had used a cock system rather than clocking in system - hmm what was I thinking about I wonder??.
Anyway, she outed me! She flat out told her friends I needed to get laid lol its a good job I love her <3

Hopefully we will have this place up and running real soon, she wants to talk to some people about the BDSM side of what we have on offer, to see what people want from that scene.
Do I tell her I could point her in the right direction.....or maybe she will have a heart attack at that! lol
I'm almost 100% she thinks I'm too sweet for that :p

Friday, 18 September 2015

Playing with fire...

Taking the advice of my dearest friend, I finally said fuck it. Being a hopeless romantic, holding out for the perfect person and all that mushy stuff was not getting me anywhere. Time to try something new - and completely out of character, and scary, and embarrassing and yada yada yada....

I hooked up with someone I had just met. Eeek! Me? yea me, the quiet shy girl that was awkward around people, I took this huge leap of faith that I needed to do that. And I did! 100% needed to do that, it was 6 years over due. I mean come on, we have those mad crazy urges too, its not just the guys that need sex. And if you think it is like that, your seriously kidding yourself! Lol
Be honest, how many times have you just wanted to throw down and fuck someone senseless but didn't because it wasn't the right time/place or some other reason??
Wont go into specifics, even if it is just sex, that's between me and that person but it was such a huge relief to let go, to finally do what I wanted without having to think if I should or not. The sex is amazing - that is all I'm saying on it but here's the problem....
I started noticing how at ease I felt around him, like it had been going on for years. Then I noticed his eyes, oh boy he has killer eyes...not literally but you get the picture. Could not shake the image of him from my head, still cant! I dont want to chase anyone else. So quickly I was, am addicted to him, he is the right mix of everything. I think anyway. Am I setting myself up for another major fall? Did it already happen? Is it history repeating itself?
I cant answer that....
All I know is that I cant get enough of this person. Im pretty sure it will all end in tears, mine! but it will be one sweet ride getting there (seriously, no pun intended there)
I did the stupid thing of writing him a note and sending it, which I thought was a kick ass idea at the time until an hour later I thought shit, wtf have I done. Did tell him to delete it but apparently no-one does that!! Lol anyway, he knows. Could be a good thing, or a bad......I'm undecided.....

In the beginning....pt 3

Cue a really cute guy that came along and swept me off my feet with his sweet talk. He was a little odd, was really into 'old time' RP, but he was nice. Until it came out he didnt want or like sex! Lol needless to say i hit the roof. Why would someone lead you on, let you get attached knowing full well you want that and then be like oh um yea, i dont do that. Well, he did, once, so screw you you liar! Lol. He crept back into my life and like a stupid little girl that hasnt learnt a single thing from her past experiences with dicks, i went there again. And got fucked over again.
That was it, final straw had been pulled. Fast forward in time to now, September 2015, and here i am (that was pretty short for 6 or so years worth of shit lol)

Did i just do it again?......

In the beginning....pt 2

Work became my go to, my escape from the shitty feeling he had left me with, the anger at having to trash my favourite skin because his bit on the side had the exact same one! I worked my way from model right up to manager at a popular clothing store. Had 20+ girls working along side me, p.r'd the life out of that place, came up with ways to get more people through the door, SAVED everyones jobs when the boss went off on one. The bitching got too much though and it was decided to just have a manager, me. Didnt go down to well at all. Worked my ass off for that place, literally, to come back to a note from my holiday sayin i was fired - she didnt want anyone working there no more.
That cut deep. Luckily, i had already met a really cool person and was working with her for a few months before i lost that job so i concentrated on that.
As well as juggling work, i had one of the most demanding, over bearing, manipulative relationships ive ever had. I really do mean crazy crazy. Lets call him Dom gone mad! Again, work became my escape from his craziness. Looking back on it i have no idea why i even went there, i think i had a screw loose at the time, must have. Thats all there is to it. I was crazy. Eventually decided enough was enough, made a complete new start, only 2 people knew i had a new account - my then sister and my boss.
He only went and found me in my new avi - see what i mean by crazy? He went to my work saw there was a new manager and contacted my boss to ask if it was me, just in an alt lol. Oh god i cant tell you the creepiness he said, i never admitted to him it was me, didnt stop him leaving me messages about watching me while i sleep and crazy shit like that.
Working quickly took over every aspect of my SL. I was managing missys store, her events promotions, a group of fashion sims she owned, helped with events, took care of bloggers. It was just constant work. Suited me just fine, not like i had anyone around anyway, right?

In the beginning...pt1

There was this girl, the quiet nerdy type that was watching an episode of C.s.i NY (big mistake cutting that btw) one night. Anyway, in this episode they were tracking a killer through a virtual world....You know where im going with this? Lol

Yes, i found SL through C.s.i NY and from the moment i fired up the laptop and chose my god awful noob avi i was hooked. That was way back when there was no movement to your hair, bling was cool and orange skins were all the rage. Not to mention the hideous clothes, box shoes and all the duck walking - until someone kindly told me i needed an A.O. An A.O? wtf is that?? 3 people took me under their wings and helped me learn the basics. Christina, Virgoth & Paige.
I was fascinated with poseballs and all the things you could make this avi do. Can honestly say i was probably one of the most naive people in SL lol pissed a few people off too with all the poseball hopping! I had no concept of RP or emoting back then, Paige tried to teach me but yea, didnt really work!
Sl was full of seedy sex places 6 or so years ago, and i quickly learnt not everything was as it seemed. Just ask the horse at some picturesque farm that i stumbled upon. Surprise of my life to say the least and more than likely the reason horses now terrify me lol. I am pleased to say and know, i wasnt the only one that had an unwelcomed encounter with the horsey kind! (thank you missy for that confession :p)
Of course, i fell in love, with the wrong kind of person, that i was absolutely blinded by. Should have been a clear enough sign when i caught him fuckin some girl in the gardens at roseland but nope, i was the idiot that said hey lets get together! Didnt last, and a year, maybe 2 down the line, when he contacted me from a different avi realisation hit me smack bang in the face.....he had been having his bit on the side since day 1! Dumbass left a paper trail of his lies and i found it lol.